Saturday, March 15, 2014

It's been 10 months!??!?

Well, at least it hasn't been a year since I last wrote... just by a couple months. You all know how it goes. Life gets busy, things happen, you get lazy in the blogging world, and it is the least of your worries. I know those who have read my blog in the past are just DYING for a new post, so here ya go. Lets see what has happened in the past 10 months...

My baby is a toddler now. Ridiculous, right? How is that even possible? She is one sassy character. Definitely a girly girl. Can't go a day where she doesn't ask for lip gloss or makeup. She loves, LOVES princesses, however, can't say the word Princess. How does she say it you ask? "Shit." What? Yes, she pronounces Princess- "shit." We break it up for her, and the conversation goes like this.
Mom: Say "prin"
O: "pin"
Mom: Say "cess"
O: "cess"
Mom: Say "princess"
O "shit"

Yeah, we have no idea what to do with her. It's how she has said it for months now and we cannot change it at all. It is absolutely hilarious and definitely a conversation starter. Don't even get me started on her pronunciation of "frog."
Other than that, she has become one smart cookie. Loves to count and do her ABC's. I mean, this kid is obsessed with learning. Don't get me wrong, its great, but I am pretty sure I just wanted to goof off when I was a kid. She must get it from her dad. She makes being a mom so fun. Gives everyone loves and kisses and is a pro at giving knuckles. I love being able to stay at home with her, even the days where she just talks my ears off! I wouldn't change it for the world. I was always nervous about having a little girl as my oldest child, but I can't imagine a better way to start off parenthood than with her. I guess she's pretty great. :)

What a stud. He graduated college in December, and had a job immediately after, and he is just incredible. He is now teaching at a high school here in Logan, and absolutely loves his job. He loves connecting to the kids and is just so good at it! Maybe cause he's still a big kid at heart. Yep. He is dead serious about his ward basketball on Wednesday nights. He will come home completely drenched and out of breath and I just marvel at how much a person can be so dedicated to such an intense and serious sport. Ward ball can be deadly, and that's because of Tony. He's a beast!! Tony is also just ITCHING to get out and golf. Winters are hard for golfers, so for his birthday I got him a PGA Golf Pass. He is now FORCED to play a bajillion games this Summer at the best courses in Utah. Oh darn. I'm excited for him. He is an incredible father and husband. I am spoiled, guys. Seriously. Back and foot rubs every day. He is a cleaning machine (cause sometimes I REALLY suck at keeping things tidy.) If I am dying for girl scout cookies, he says done. Olivia and I are lucky girls, that's for sure.

Well, after 10 cold hard months of Postpartum Depression (Maybe I'll have to give a long post about that, it was hard stuff guys) I'm finally feeling amazing once more. It was definitely one of the more trying times of my life. I love life. I love my family. I love the gospel even more than I ever have. Oh yeah, if you hadn't heard, I'm pregnant AGAIN!! What the crap did we do? We had such a good thing going! Olivia sleeps 12+ hours a night!! We have a rockin routine! Our life was perfection!!! But then again, when you get a prompting from Heavenly Father, you can't deny it. So bam, here I am, 21 weeks pregnant WITH A BOY! Terrified much? Yes. Is Tony beyond excited to get a golfing buddy? You betcha. It will definitely be a new adventure. I'm kind of worried at how Olivia is going to take to being a big sister. We have been trying to play big sister with her baby dolls, but her definition of putting her babies night night is smothering them to the ground with a blanket.... Sooo we shall see.  July keeps getting closer and closer, and this pregnancy is going lightning speed. Yikes! We're going to be a family of 4! So weird to say.
So in other news WE ARE MOVING!!! Don't worry Logan friends, we're still going to be in town, but we have a screaming opportunity. Tony's great uncle and aunt are going on a mission, so they need someone awesome to house sit for 18 months! Thank heavens we're awesome. We get to live in a gorgeous house, rent free, for a year and a half, and we move in three weeks. Yeah we found out the other day, and I might have had a tiny panic attack. That is so soon!! We have loved our apartment for the past 2.5 years, and we are sad to leave, but extremely excited about this new adventure. So if anyone you know is looking for an awesome apartment for cheap in Logan, message me for the details! We have seriously loved every minute here.

I think that's a good ending point for the day. Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013


What did I EVER do before I had a baby?
... Ya, I don't know either.
A few weeks ago, Tony's mom took her for a night so Tony and I could have a little night to ourselves. I sat at home waiting for him to get home from work. I did not know what to do with myself! I was so sad to not have Olivia to play with! I seriously counted the hours til we would see her again. Although it was a fun night, I was going crazy. I'm not attached at all.
Anyway, it's been a couple months since I've posted, which is horrible, I know. It's been busy. Tony has had almost zero time. Working at the Golf Course every morning, then working some nights at The Crepery (THE BEST!! It's making my mouth water thinking about it). This means I get to be at home a whole lot. A. Whole. Lot. A conversation with an 8 month old can only go so far. I thought I was going to lose it when our computer broke. We didn't have one for two weeks, and not having much contact with the outside world was killing me a little inside. But happy day, we have one again and I'm a little more sane. Just a little.
So the whole reason I am making this post is to hopefully avoid the constant question "Why is Olivia wearing a helmet?" So here's the story.
When Olive was born, she was super cramped in there cause I didn't have a lot of fluid to cushion her. So when she came to this world, it took us a couple months to notice that she only ever slept on one side of her head. That's what I get for being a fist time parent and having no idea on what's going on. So turns out she has Torticollis. Which is a strain in her neck muscles. Her neck muscles were super tight and it was rough for her to turn her head, and hold her head straight. So we took her to Physical Therapy for a while (They were amazing) and we finally graduated! She has improved leaps and bounds compared to when we first went in to get it checked out. She still has a little trouble, but we keep stretching her and its getting better and better.
Because of her Torticollis, Olivia now has Plagiocephaly. Sounds scary, right? Haha, my mom thought so too when we told her. Tony and I were at the doctors and he told us what it was. I texted my mom being all serious saying she has Plagiocephaly and has to go to therapy :'(  Hahaha, bad thing to do to a grandma. She called, said a few words I'd rather not say on our family blog, and wanted to know what the crap it was. I couldn't keep a straight face or voice very long. So It just means she has a flat head.
HENCE- the helmet. Just helps her head round out as it grows.
Good thing she's so darn cute in it. Cause we're likely to be sporting it for the next 6ish months. Kill me now? We're still trying to get used to it, but I think she's used to it more than I am. She and I had our good amount of crying the first week. We're ok now.
So that's the story.
I REALLY wanted to bedazzle the crap out of it, like, for reals, jewel stickers all over, but then when she started army crawling everywhere, putting anything in her mouth, I figured I didn't wanted bejeweled poop... or a choking baby. That, and how often they'll be making adjustments, it just would have been a hassle. However, I have found out that duck tape works wonders. Thank heavens for all the cute patterns they have now.
She's rocking her new accessory. Sometimes she'll crawl head down and run into stuff and it doesn't even phase her. Or she'll be playing with a toy and just smack it on her helmet. She's bad-a. I love my little munchkin.
By the way- 8 months? I'm weirded out at how fast this has gone.
She's mobile and getting into everything she can! She's also 21lbs now and clearly loves to eat. She's my little puppy and just stares at me when I eat, begging for a bite. She's funny.
Now here are some pics to end this thing!
This one is actually a 7 month one. She looks pretty disgusted here. I don't know why, haha.

At the park. Begging for Mom's Slurpee.

Love this picture.

Haha she just woke up from a nap and gave the "why pictures" face.
I love her little alfalfa hair that sticks up in the hole of the helmet. Love her :)
Til next time!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I'ma sap

First, lets start this thing out with a sappy mom wondering where the crap her newborn has gone.

Remember that one time I had a 5lb baby? She looked like this.
And this.
 SO tiny, right?
Then she started to get a little big.

About one month.

Two months.

Three months.

Four months... Yelling at The Price Is Right...

Five months
And now 6 months.

My 5lb skinny baby turned into a 19lb chunk! 
She is such a diva.
Loves banana.
HATES peas with a passion. (I realized when she spit them all over my face)
Loves to play with her toys.
Hates when mom walks out of the room.
Loves all attention on her.
Hates bedtime, but sleeps a good 10 hours.
Loves to stand.
Hates to be on her tummy.
Loves to say dadadadadadadadada... Not happy bout that one.

Ah I just love her!!

So, quick story. One time I was called to be in the Young Women. I LOVE THIS CALLING! However, one day, we decided to go to JumpZone for mutual. It was so much fun!Except when I thought i had to do just one last backflip into the pit. SNAP went my back and out went all of the air in my body. Thought it was just a tweak. Naaah.. It got worse. Went to the doctor, he thought at first it was a compression fracture. THANK HEAVENS, after xrays, its just part of my scoliosis and i just strained/tore a couple muscles.. No big deal. HOWEVER, constantly lifting a 20lb baby with a back injury is a lot harder than one might think. This might take a while. And that is what I get for thinking I'm 8 years old and in gymnastics again.  At least I currently gots mah pain pillz. Ok. Done for the day. I need sleep!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Why is the ice cream always gone?

I sit here during my first real break of the day. These sour gummy worms just aren't cutting it because I want a massive bowl of moosetracks ice cream. Such is life, right?
I just got over my first "poop in the tub" experience. I would not like to repeat it, but something in my gut just tells me I'll have to deal with it and expect it in the future.
So I'm completely ready for it to be Spring already. A mixture of being a stay at home mom, postpartum junk, and it being ridiculously cold and gloomy is not doing me well. I'll have to admit that it's been a real struggle at times. I've never been the typical happy-go-lucky chick in the first place, but I know I need to try harder to have that be part of my attitude... blech... :)
Although life has been seeming a little "blech" lately, I still love being a stay at home mom and enjoy my days with Tony and Olive. 
There are times that I compare and struggle with looking at other's lives on social media. THEN the same social media enlightened me with this quote that I love.
"Never compare your behind the scenes to another's highlight reel"
LOVE, right? I fail miserably at this, but at the same time its too too true. So as that is in my mind, 
with my adorable family, Vampire Diaries (don't judge) keeping me occupied during feedings, listening to John McLaughlin (holy voice smooth as BUTTAH), and the fact that Arrested Development is now on Netflix, I'm happy for the most part. Baby is getting cuter and funner so that's also a plus to life.
Oh, did I tell you how much of a chunk she is? Ya, 15 freaking pounds. LOVE HER ROLLS!
Watch her first bite of oatmeal at the link above

Yeah I'd say I'm pretty lucky. 

So I've had a few friends post on their blogs about things going on ten, five, two years ago. It really got me thinking. Here goes my little blast from the past.

Ten years ago:
AWKWARD 13 year old
Probably the time I was obsessed with Dreamstreet. Come on, they're babes.
That one time I was in that weird transition from Middle School to High School.
I had the WORST eyebrows known to man. My mom taught me how to pluck, but I thought I could do better than she did. I was severely wrong. Hence my sharpie/mexi looking face.
Was known as "Lindsay's little sister" 
Got my first "Utah haircut"

Five years ago:
Fresh out of High School
First semester at Utah State University

Got my first kiss over with and ended up going a little lip slut crazy
Perfected my guitar playing skills to schmooze on guys... and it worked.
Started working at Chrysalis. Loved it, but so glad I'm done!
Was doing little shows here and there showing off my steamy voice
Tried out for American Idol, just so I could say I did
Completely and shamefully boy crazy.
Losing weight from being a fatty mcfatster
Lived with CRAZY people. I swear, I didn't have a good roommate until I had been in Logan for three years. 

Two years ago:
Went through two terrible breakups, and was at the point where I didn't care about men.
Finally decided that Social Work was what I wanted to do with my education.
Was obsessed with Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana soup.. Holy craps its good.
Jerika Barnes (she's a babe) and I had this small infatuation with Jersey Shore, and to this day, it is sadly still a guilty pleasure. 
Then we have Tony who walked into my life... well I kinda walked into his.
I discovered eyelash extensions. I MISS THEM SOOO BAD!! For real. 
Learned how to drive a motorized scooter. 
Had seriously the best summer of my life, getting engaged, carefree life, spent every day with Tony. AMAZING!

And here I am today!! If you asked me five years ago where I think I would be today, I would have guessed right. Married, baby, livin the dream!! 

Well, my break is over. Baby is up. Til next time!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Oy Vey.

Holy craps. Its been a while. Tony and I kinda suck at this blogging deal. So lets update here on whats been going on in our little family.

Our little blue eyed beauty! So far. She has this kind of dark blue eye right now which looks like Tony's but it could still change. She is hilarious. This little babe has quite the sass in her. She is now about 2.5 months old now and boy is she a character! Stubborn like her mama. She just loves to lay down and have her kicking time. It's the best to watch her little chunks go and go. She is starting to sleep in her crib and we're still getting used to it. Usually when we put her down, in about 2.5 seconds she is up and just looking at the world. UGH! But it is getting better thanks to Glowy the glow worm that the beautiful Nonnie got for her. She LOVES that thing! Little Olive is officially smiling as well as talking and babbling up storms, and it just MELTS MY HEART! Wow I'm such a sucker. She is a dramatic talker. She only knows how to talk when she's super happy or if she pretends to be sad. So funny! The best is when I walk into her room and see her calmly looking everywhere, and I put my face to hers and she greets me with the biggest dimply smile. TO DIE FOR I tell ya!! We discovered that she is a fantastic traveler so far. She is pro at zonking out in her car seat on long car trips. Thank. Heavens. Otherwise trips to see Grandmas and Grandpas would be nightmares. Why does family have to live so far away? Torture. Her favorite time of day is bath time. I've never seen a child love bath time. Ever. Yet this one is just in her element when the warm water is flowing on her head and she is in her little tub letting her chubby legs float. She had her first meltdown the other day when my mom was here helping me bathe her and we took her out. I couldn't help but laugh at how angry she was. I guess I get mad when I have to get out of my warm baths too... Fair enough.  Anyway, Olivia is growing perfectly! I am in complete love with my mini best friend.
We LOVE dressing her up, and this adorable outfit is all because of her lovely Grandmama. How.
Our little indian at Thanksgiving
Someone was not a fan of the pool when she first got in.. but it took a minute and she was in heaven!
It's blurry, but its a smile. We love her!

Rockstar. With all the junk thats been going on lately, I would be dead if I was married to anyone else. That may seem dramatic, but I'm serious. He is so wonderful. He is honestly an unbelievable father and husband. With me being in and out of hospitals and such, he has taken his roles to the next level. I would have never expected so much from someone. He definitely is the most selfless person I've ever known and has stepped up a lot in these past two months. Even through this hellacious semester, he has made sure Olivia and I are happy and taken care of. I think I'll make a list of his amazingness:
*Him always taking the morning shift so mommy can get a little more sleep and doesn't kill people
*Taking ALL shifts when I was in the hospital
*Making sure to give me hugs and kisses when I am having meltdowns
*Being understanding when I have meltdowns (Still happens often :/ I need to get back to normal dangit)
*Going to school and working so hard to get done as soon as he can. No matter how much homework he has or how long his classes are, he always makes time for his girls and I can't be more thankful.
*Man he's still so attractive and always looks good
*Him being a worthy Priesthood holder has been one of the biggest blessings. Him presiding over our home and family and being able to give blessings is so incredible. Its exactly what we need and he is always so willing and in tune with the spirit when a blessing needs to be given.
*No one can make me laugh like he can. I've been a little bleh lately, and no matter what, that boy makes sure that I get my smiles and laughs in for each day.
Ok ok, I know this post is getting super mushy, but I just love my husband and daughter so much. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

So update on Lauren:
So I was just getting over my "I just had a baby" slump when BAM. Back in hospital. Here's the story with that. So Mara was taking a trip to Cedar City and invited me down for the few days so I could visit my mom and dad. Awesome. I needed to get out and it was a great opportunity! So we made the drive down. Grandma and grandpa were loving baby time and it was nice to be outside of my own 4 walls for once. Well my dad got a call for business and my mom didn't want to go, so he offered it to me. Lets see, 30 hours, travel to North Carolina to pick up a kid, and 300 bucks? Done. We are living off our savings currently, so a little extra Christmas money is always a good thing right? So off we went. When we were in Salt Lake City airport, there was this greek food place that smelled DIVINE. So my dad and I got some. I. Got. So. Sick. My dad said he only got a touch of what I had but I had full blown couldn't hold anything down sickness. It was awful. I traveled the whole way and couldn't even hold down a sip of water. Through all this sick nastyness, I started having severe upper abdominal pain. I had it a few times while I was pregnant towards the end, but they just chalked that up to baby pushing on my ribs. But this time I wasn't pregnant. So weird. So we got back to Cedar and I had after trying to play hero, I eventually went to the ER. I NEVER go to the doctor unless I seriously need to, so thats saying something. So in we went and let me tell you, Cedar City Emergency room is probably the worst care I've ever received. I was shaking I was in so much pain. They asked the questions and I answered. What did they do? No tests, no screenings, no IV's to rehydrate me (my spit had turned to complete foam by this point.) they didn't even touch me. "Oh, we think its just an ulcer, here are three prescriptions for pills, go home." Oh h to the freaking no. Remember the whole "I can't even hold down my spit." part? Yeah, they're idiots. We even asked them why they didn't do an ultrasound or an xray. They told us it wasn't "emergency" enough. I think losing 15lbs in two days is emergency enough, thank you very much. So I realized I wouldn't have any kind of help in Cedar, so I would just have to wait the day til I got back to Logan. So basically, the minute I got home, Tony immediately rushed me to the ER. All I can say is bless Logan ER. They ran every test, they hooked me up to fluids cause I was so dehydrated, they called doctors who could possibly specialize in bariatrics, they got things done.
Now at this point, I had suspected my lap band had slipped (something we also mentioned to Cedar City, but obviously they didn't care). Logan didn't have a specialist, so my doctor called Salt Lake trying to find someone who knew all about this stuff. He found one. So after a few hours in the ER, off in an ambulance they took me to Salt Lake. Next morning, ran more tests, and the doctor had found that not only did my band slip, but i had a hiatal hernia, aka, part of my stomach was up through my esophagus. Now all my heartburn and acid reflux I had had for years made sense, but now after being sick, it made it 100% worse and closed off my stomach. At this point I just said to take the band out and fix whatever needed to be fixed. Well apparently, this was bad. My doctor said he had never worked or had seen a hernia this big. Yay me. I like to go all out. Anyway, a while later, I was fixed and recovered at the hospital for a few days.
Everyone was so amazing, from getting flowers, taking care of my sweet baby while I was in the hospital (which KILLS you, knowing you can't take care of your baby. I had a hard time) from people coming to visit, both grandmas helping me so much, and my sweet husband for being there the whole time and sleeping in a hospital bed by my side. THANK YOU. I am so blessed. Yes this was a small trial for our family, but Heavenly Father knew exactly when it needed to happen and gave us the resources to make it through.
Now I'm excited to get over this little slump. I'm constantly getting better and it feels good. I can finally be a mommy again! Woot woot!
So thats the basic update on us. Next blog post I'll try to make it less serious and boring. And a lot sooner.

Friday, September 28, 2012

The Grand Entrance of Olivia Budge- The long TMI post

Wow. All I can say is wow. 
Wow to the past couple weeks.
Wow to the people who have been so generous and caring towards me and our little family. 
Wow to my incredible family, who sacrificed and have given so much to us
Wow to the power of Eternal Families.
Wow to the love I have for my husband who has shown me how much he loves me and how much he adores our little girl.
Wow to how much I love Olivia.
And so much more.

So it all started on Wednesday the 12th. I went in for my routine 36 week appointment. We went in for an ultrasound for a good check up. The ultrasound tech was super awesome, I've had him before and he just makes you feel so comfortable and answers any questions perfectly so we can understand what is going on. He was checking out how everything was, and then he got a little worried seeing how much fluid I had. Amniotic fluid is supposed to be between 5 and 25cm. When he first measured, I was at a 4.something and so he measured again and the average of the two turned out to be a 5.4. He said depending on who my doctor was, we might be delivering her that day. Tony and I started to freak out a little bit... Ok really I just had a massive freakout while Tony kept completely calm as usual. I don't know how he does that. I need to learn. So we met up with Dr. Horsley (I freaking love his doctor for anyone in Logan looking for a good one) and he said instead of coming in a week later like I was supposed to, to come in on Monday for another ultrasound check to see if the fluid has improved at all, if not, we would be having her then. I was still freaking out. 
I hadn't been able to keep anything down for a week. From all my baby belly bump pictures, it hardly looks like I'm pregnant. For some reason, instead of growing out like babies should, baby O was growing in and up, which paired up with my lap band meant hardly any food for me. 
Saturday, I had an INCREDIBLE baby shower thrown by the best friends I can ever have Taylor and Mara. They worked so hard and made it absolutely beautiful. Even though I could hardly eat, Heavenly Father let me hold down all the delicious food there, whew! It was really such a wonderful time with friends and family. I loved everyone who came.
So my mom was here and was planning on leaving right after the baby shower, until we told her about what the doctor said. So naturally, she says she'll stay just til after our appointment Monday. So just in case we did have the baby, we tried a little here and a little there to finish up getting some things ready, buying the little things we didn't think to get so soon, etc. Sunday evening i was nowhere close to having anything ready. My nursery was a wreck, my house was dirty, life was just crazy and I was too exhausted to care or do anything. 
I went to bed late that night. I usually do anyway. My favorite thing is to just slip into bed and cuddle Tony til I fall asleep, but I just couldn't slip away. I stared out our window while looking back to Tony every couple minutes thinking "This could be the last night of this type of life. Are we ready? Will I still get to cuddle him like this? Will we have time for each other anymore? Will we ever sleep again?"
I just had the gut feeling that everything was going to change the next day.
8:00 came around and we were off to the hospital. The ultrasound tech measured my fluids at 4.0 and off to Dr. Horsley we went. I'm sure he did this a lot, but I found it strange how camly he looked at me and said "Ok, we're going to take you upstairs and get this baby out"
Freak out. 
They got me into the room, which was VERY nice, and got me all hooked up to IVs and such. They were going to start me on pitocin, but looked at the monitors and saw that I was contracting every 45seconds. I mean, I felt crampy and all for a few days, but I just thought that was all part of the prego thing.. Nope. Contractions. I didn't REALLY feel anything until they broke my water. Thats when they started to hurt.. Like a freaking mother. I was progressing SO SLOW. It took me ten hours to go from a 1 to a 3. Within that time, I had my 3 allowed shots of fentanyl- aka the wonder drug.
Yes Tony documented my contractions via Itouch....

 The contractions didn't make me cry, they just hurt so bad, but as soon as they gave me my first shot of fentanyl, I cried out of relief. Mom and Tony just laughed at me haha. After the three shots within so many hours, I decided to get my epidural, where Mom and Tony continued to laugh at me even more because that was one of the things I was absolutely TERRIFIED about. Tony sat in front of my face talking to distract me the whole time, while Mom and Sister were trying to psych me out even more. I was shaking so bad cause I was scared/in pain from contractions. Finally it was in, and I had my happy button. Bless whoever discovered these beautiful things. I only felt the occasional pressure, and got the shakes a little, but I. Felt. Nothing. And it was glorious. Until the point came when I wasn't progressing enough and Dr decided to manually get me from a 3 to a 5. That was probably the most pain I've ever been in and the most pain I had throughout this whole process. I never want to have to have it happen again, but its what got me progressing how I should. Time went by slow still. 
Tony was sleeping, Mom was just in her chair being amazing and helping me when I was throwing up, Linds was awesome by sticking with it. Then at about 4am, we were hearing death screams all around us.
 Lady number one in the room next to us was screaming bloody murder. The epidural was one of my biggest fears, but the biggest was when I would have to be pushing. This did not help. Sounded like a cow that got ran over and was clinging on to dear life, however it was justified cause she was doing it natural. Lady number 2 in the room on the other side of us was also making death sounds, however, she had the epidural. Terror. These ladies had been pushing for 3 hours and still didn't have babies. I started to cry out of fear when the nurse came in and told me it was my turn to push. 
I asked the nurse average pushing time for this type of deal. She said typical is an hour to two hours of pushing. Eff my life. We got all set up for my practice pushes, Tony on one side, My momma on the other, count to 10. The nurse stopped and said "Ok we need to go get Dr. Horsley." 
She was right there. So just like that, everyone was setting up for the show.
20 minutes of pushing. 
Did I feel a thing? Not even.
I couldn't believe I made something so perfect. She was so tiny. 5lbs 5oz and 19inches long. She was beautiful. Didn't even need NICU time. The most we had to do was pay close attention to her blood sugar level, and she was at risk for jaundice, so we had to keep her under bilirubin lights for a couple days, but it was so cool to have the medical tools to have her at home in her own little tanning bed. 

It was so nice to have family and friends visit, all in the excitement of our little bundle. My mom was a freaking rockstar and made us some delicious freezer meals, while friends and people from the ward would come and bring dinners as well. Everyone has been so sweet to us and has made us feel extremely loved. 
It really has been the hardest, yet rewarding week and a half of my life. There are so many ups and downs and things that people don't really talk about when you are a new mother. I think I'm going to keep it real and give some honest opinions on it all. 
*Breastfeeding is actually really hard, especially when your newborn is only 5lbs. She dropped down to 4lbs 15oz when we went in for an appointment and her doctor gave us formula to give her with my milk a couple times a day. I seriously felt like a failure because my milk wasn't giving her what she needed and the fact that she refuses to stay awake to have a full meal has made me cry. Many times. I never even knew how impossible it would be at times to get her to wake up. There have been numerous times i've had to strip us both down and do skin to skin before she would even try. No one wants to get completely topless every single time you breastfeed. However, when she has a bottle, she can be zonked out and still guzzle it all in 10 minutes no problem. More disappointment. Another problem I've encountered breastfeeding is again since she is so small, its more calories for her to take it directly from me, than it is to feed her a bottle. Trying to drink and suck for 30 minutes vs. guzzling in 10 minutes- makes sense right? Although its been difficult, and so many tears have been dropped because of it, I think its getting easier. I'll keep trying and keep pumping (which also kills, super super sore boobs are no fun).
*As much as we love visitors, we shouldn't have let everyone in so soon. I love all of our friends, I really do. But I have learned this time, that next time, I need to say no. There have been so many friends who have wanted to come over and see Olivia, and thats great. I know everyone is excited and happy for us. Have Tony and I had a single day where we don't have a visitor? No. And it makes me really sad. Its even harder when people drop by without even calling or texting. Not cool. I love you but come on, really? I need my family time. Yes we have a small amount of time throughout the day, but between his schedule and having people come over, the only time we've had with each other has been watching an episode of something on netflix cause we're both so exhausted and don't have time to do anything else. I should have waited AT LEAST a week or two before letting anyone in my home. Call is selfish or whatever, but this thing is hard enough without having to please everyone else. 
*Along with needing family time, I need time to heal. I knew pushing a baby out would have a bit of recovery time, but for whoever is reading who might possibly gain some advice from this- Let your husband help. Don't try to be superwoman. I am so stubborn, and I think I can do everything by myself, which results in a harder recovery. Tony has been incredible and tells me when to stop and he takes over. Ladies, put that pride aside. Sit down. Lay down with your baby. Don't worry about looking decent, or doing dishes, or taking care of absolutely everything you THINK you need to. Relax. Heal.
*Sleep deprivation. Its so real. Again. Let husbands help. They are amazing when you need an extra hour of snoozing that can make the world's difference.
*I thought emotions during pregnancy were bad. I cry at everything now. Good, bad, or if I just think about something too long. I've had a good mix of crying out of both frustration, exhaustion, just looking at my perfect daughter, and happy future prospects.  I've ruined so many contacts in the past couple weeks. 
*Babies will ALWAYS pee and poo when their diapers are off. Just happens.
Ok, thats just a couple examples of things that I didn't expect. But there are good things as well. 

*You know how people say that your husband becomes hotter once he becomes a dad? Uh, yes. So true. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him and his face light up when she hiccups, or pulls her Zoolander look. Seeing those two cuddle has to be the cutest/most attractive thing on the face of the planet. That, along with how hormonal you are after having a baby, I curse the 6week rule numerous times a day now. But in all seriousness, there has been a change between Tony and I. Unexplainable. But incredible. I have never felt closer to him and it still amazes me how much love can grow from day to day. I married an amazing man.
* I LOVE seeing her little eyes explore the world. I also find it so interesting when she stares at a spot for a really long time. It makes me wonder how thin the veil truly is and who is possibly helping her out in this tough transition time :) I can stare into those eyes forever. (Tony and I are still taking bets on whether her eyes are going to turn out to be blue or brown. I say brown, he says blue)
* I used to think all newborns were ugly. Not mine. And i know thats such a cliche thing to say, but for reals here people. I have a gorgeous daughter :) Tony is already looking into shotguns for the future.
* There really is such a different spirit in our home. Eternal families really are such a powerful thing. Tony and I have always worked hard to have our home a place where the spirit can dwell, but ever since Olivia has joined, I have noticed a difference. Its such an incredible experience to have our own little family and to watch it grow the way it needs to.
* I love how everything she wears swallows her up. She is sooo tiny!! Newborn clothes are way too big. Whenever we need to go to the doctor, we bundle her up and she pretty much looks like Randy from A Christmas Story.
Like this.
Doesn't even look like a real baby right?
* I love feeling needed. I love being a mom. Knowing that someone so precious relies on me so much, and that I have the abilities to help her grow and develop is something I've never felt. I now realize how selfish I was before. I can't imagine putting myself before her. Its weird to think of selfishness and how for me, it has changed. When I was single, that was one thing. When I married Tony, it changed to a different level, and he was my sole priority. When I became a mother, every selfish personal need of mine left. I focus on Olivia. And it is nice to stop worrying about myself for once and put my time and energy into both Tony and her :)
*I'm SO good at multitasking now
*Bath time makes me melt. Oh my gosh it makes me melt. The way she'll be screaming bloody murder one second, and as soon as you run the top of her head under running water- she is sedated. So. Freaking. Adorable!! AND her hair is growing SO much and getting so blonde!!! I LOVE IT!
I'll eventually give more positive examples at another time, cause this is one really long post already. 
I seriously love being a mom though. I love my baby more than anything. My life is now forever changed and through all the hard things, through all the wonderful things, I'd do everything all over again if it would get me to this point right here. 
Still trying to figure it all out. Still exploring with my little family. As long as I have my little family safe and healthy. 

Welcome to the world Olivia Leona.

Monday, August 20, 2012


I'm glad Tony was able to give a little update yesterday. He's really good at those. I've decided to photobomb update our lives for the past couple months. Most of it is baby and such, so deal with it. We're excited ok?

First off, we decided to do a little art project for baby's room. You know the whole Pinterest thing to take elmer's glue and paint over it? We did that and then just mixed glue with paint. It was fun to play around with.
 One of Tony's awesome masterpieces.
 I did this one and painted purple over it. Turned out super cute.
 This picture I just found on Tony's Itouch.. Apparently bums like to sleep on the golf course where T works and he has to wake them up and tell them to leave.

The next two pictures below are from an Improv Comedy show we went to. Originally supposed to be 8 bucks but this random dude outside the thing gave them to us for free. Score? Yes.
 I don't know what he did to make me pull this face, but I thought it was a funny picture.

We set up the crib! Woot woot. Thats basically all I've been able to do so far, but it was fun to put it together. Thanks to the lovely Maddi for documenting it for us. 


So if you're my facebook friend, you might be able to recall a status I posted the other day about my child having a huge head and a mullet. Its the truth. The doctor measured me at 33 weeks (when i was only 32ish) and said the head was 34.5 weeks.... Joy... And on the ultrasound we really did see the little wispies of a mullet. I think I may listen to too much 80's music. Anyway, this is the little one. I can't believe she is coming so fast. CRAZY!
Last but not least, I'll give the typical prego picture along with the questions.
This is my 32 weeker.

How far along are you? 33 weeks!
Total weight gain: 12lbs
How big is your baby? Fat. And I love it :) currently about 4.5lbs
Maternity clothes: Still just my comfy leggings and basketball shorts.
Stretch marks?: No new ones to report
Sleep: SUCKS!!!! That is one thing I miss. I pee 50 times a night and it takes forever to get to sleep and be comfy.
Best moment this week: Seeing how much she's grown since week 20. Its so amazing.
Movement: She is one active one. She goes through her growth spurts when she sleeps lots and lots during the day which makes me worry occasionally, but for the most part she is making my belly super lopsided.
Food cravings: Jamba Juice. Still anything sweet.I still eat whole pans of Rice Krispies.
Food aversions: Ugh, those have come back into full swing. There are days I can eat whatever, but days like today when I throw up anything and everything. It just depends on the day :(
Labor signs: I get little braxton-hicks now and then, but nothing too scary.
Belly button in or out: Inny
What I miss: Sleep. Good sleep. And when my back hurts a lot less. She likes to push on it lots. And eating regularly.
What I'm looking forward to: Having this little girl dang it!!! I am so curious how she really looks and now how she looks according to her squished face inside my womb :) Totally looks like she has Tony's lips though according to this last picture. And clearly she has my fat head and mullet. But I'm so excited to see her.